Champagning and Campaigning with Jalen Rose in Real Life

Part of the sports experience fans indulge over is the off the court lifestyles of athletes. Many of us would sell souls to live like a pro-athlete for a day. Fortunately, I had the opportunity to hang out with an NBA star for a few hours and it was epic.

As an analyst, Jalen Rose has some improving to do but he is really one of the most genuine guys on sports television. The following is a full recap of a night I had kicking with him.

In the mid-2000s I used to bartend so I had a lot of cash and worked evenings. During my time off in the afternoons, I used to frequent an Atlanta strip club called Goosebumps. Afternoon strip clubbing is awesome, the strippers aren’t in money making mode so the experience is much cooler, you should try it.

I’m getting a lapdance in a dark corner of the club when Jalen Rose and one of his homies walks in. It’s about 4:30 in the afternoon so the club at this point literally consists of Jalen, his homie, a bartender, a waitress, one security guard, the DJ, about 12 strippers and myself. I’m stoked to see him. He’s wearing a white Polo, camo shorts and a pair of Air Force 1’s.

The stripper showing me her vulva is getting annoyed that I am not paying enough attention to her and looks at me funny. I say to her, “You know that’s Jalen Rose?” She says, “Who?” I tell her nevermind and wait for the song to end so she can get out my face. Side note- I am just as intrigued with strippers as I am with athletes so they will be a reoccurring theme on this blog.

The song ends and while I’m handing this curvy dancer a few twenties, I get the bright idea to give her an extra ten so she can give Jalen a lapdance. She takes the money and goes over to Jalen to dance for him.

Jalen looks at her awkwardly when she points at me, apparently telling Jalen that I paid for the dance. She finishes the dance and Jalen calls me over.

He thanks me for the dance. I tell him no problem and that I enjoyed his stint on the Bulls. He asks me if I’m drinking, I say yes and Jalen calls the waitress over. Simultaneously, his homie is signaling dancers over to the area. Next thing I know, I have a huge cigar in mouth, a double shot of Hennessy in my hand and two strippers contorting in my lap and on my torso.

This goes on for about 2 hours. At the time, I lived with my ex-girlfriend and I can tell she was pissed as over the past few hours I had to have ignored at least 10 of her calls. Jalen and his homie rises to leave. Jalen says to me, “We’re headed to Magic City, you wanna roll?” Everything in my soul wanted roll, but it would have caused me to get dumped and kicked out so I turned him down.

Jalen drops a couple hundred on the table and says, “Get you a few more dances.”

I got a lot more dances and double shots of Henny before I took my drunk ass home.

Jalen is a cool dude!

postscript

I should have taken Jalen up on his offer. I wound up dumping the girl I was dating at the time. To this day, I blame her for missing out on potentially one of the best nights of my life!